Why Men Should Have No Say On The Abortion Issue
May 14, 2005
I had a discussion with a close male friend this week who says he is pro-choice – to an extent. He went on for sometime sharing his views on abortion with me. While he was talking I realized something very important – unless he is the father of the fetus, what he says really doesn’t matter because he’s a man.
It really gets me steamed when a man sits in judgment of a woman who has had an abortion. I just don’t see how a man can speak to this issue at all. Why should men need to establish any type of position at all on a subject that is clearly feminine by nature? I know many are already cowering away from this article in fear of hell’s fire. Think about it though, there are several reason why men should not have a say in what women do with their bodies.
Congratulations Sir, You’re Pregnant
For example, men have never had to face the decision of whether they should allow a child to grow inside them. They have never been in the position of reconciling the gift of life with the invasion of life. In fact, a man can just impregnate a woman and walk away, which is exactly what many have done. If a man can have the right to choose whether he wants the responsibility of fatherhood, shouldn’t the woman have the same choice concerning motherhood?
Men have never been in the position of having a foreign object growing in their bodies and being told it would be immoral to want that object removed. Men cannot relate to the feeling personal invasion brought about by an unwanted pregnancy or the fears of being a single mother. The woman’s body is used as a vessel for life, but it should be each woman’s decision as to whether she wants to be a vessel at that point in her life.
Daddy Isn’t Here, Sweetheart
Another reason men shouldn’t have a say on the abortion issue is because since the dawn of time women have carried the majority of the burden of child rearing while the man pursues his own interests in life. Meanwhile, the wife is tied to the home to raise the children that both of them created. Men cannot relate to the stifling feeling that comes from being subjected to living a life as the primary care giver. In fact, there should be no primary care giver at all, it should be a shared responsibility. However, when the father is not around, the woman has no other choice.
The woman knows what having a child will mean to her personal life (and yes, her life does matter too). Sometimes the changes are welcomed, other times the future is very scary. A man can go on with his life, his career and his own interests with little worry about his future other than being forced to set up the baby’s crib before the mother goes into labor – if that much. However, the mother’s sacrifices and responsibilities are endless and she knows how important it is to raise children who are productive members of society. She can’t fail – even if he does shrug his responsibilities.
Men have basically handed over parental responsibilities to the women and walked away. Even the most well-intentioned father engages in but a small amount of the parenting responsibilities. The women, with no other choice but to raise the children since the father is out pursuing his career, or whatever it is that men do when they are not at home with their families, are forced into a situation that may not even be what that woman needs to thrive in life. She has no choice.
Does the man care that his selfishness could have a detrimental impact on the woman? Nope. She’s doing what society expects of her and he is doing whatever he wants. It is especially difficult for women in these days when so many men just abandon their responsibilities as fathers altogether and leave the woman completely alone to raise the child as a single parent. Even when a father is physically around, oft times he is not around emotionally. But again, the woman has no choice.
It Takes Two
The reason it takes both a man and a woman to make a child is because nature knew it would take both a man and a woman to raise that child. When the man shrugs his paternal obligation, the woman is left with a burden that wasn’t meant to be shouldered by one person.
So many conservatives believe women get recklessly pregnant and then use abortion as birth control. This is just a tactic used to justify the imposition of their morals on other people. Anyone who has ever been inside an abortion clinic knows abortion is always a last resort for women. It’s a desperate move to solve a desperate problem – not a routine action.
What’s even more ironic is that many times these conservatives would be the first to rush their daughter to the abortion clinic just to save face if she ended up with an unwanted pregnancy. Then they have the audacity to condemn the women who choose to not have a baby because they couldn’t afford to feed it or didn’t want to raise the child alone. In fact, the guy I mentioned at the start of this article encouraged his girlfriend to have an abortion because he was afraid of what his religious parents would think about an illegitimate child. He thinks what he did was moral, but some abortions are not. Even worse, he is blind to his own hypocrisy.
Men, It’s Time To Be A Daddy
It all too ironic that while women have been home raising the children, men have been in politics making laws concerning women and their bodies. Men have used their power in politics and religion to control and dominate women by telling us what they think we can morally do with our own bodies. Imagine the arrogance! That any man believes he has any place at all tell me what is legal for me to do with my own body! This is why there needs to be more women legislators and religious leaders.
I don’t see men rushing to change societal expectations for maternal responsibility concerning child rearing. I don’t see them demanding the right to be more responsible fathers or to play a more integral part in their children’s lives. In fact, if they did then they would be entitled to more say in the abortion issue. But why should they want things to change? They’ve got it made in the shade. If things changed, they’d have to pull their own weight, give up some of their own career pursuits, and go home at a decent hour to the child waiting for dinner and a caring hug.
In short, when men start choosing to be fathers, that’s when they will have the right to pipe in on whether women can choose to be mothers. Until then men, your opinion just doesn’t matter.
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1. Mizzel | May 1, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Personally, all that is bull. The female has the choice whether or not to become a mother. She knows whether or not if she can afford it or not. She knows the sacrifices she would have to make in her own life. Women just like to act like martyrs in this situation. Especially if a man has articulated from the beginning that he did not want to be a father. He gives that right up when he sleeps with her. Then women can play the emotional card or “my horomones are raging” blah, blah. Then they say ” I can give the child all the love they need. U cannot make a man “love” a child.
2. Kiuku | May 7, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I disagree on one point only. That nature made pregnancy a dual affair because it takes two people to raise a child. Clearly we are social animals, but I do not think that seals a man’s position as a father figure anywhere, necessary to a woman and the rearing of her offspring and neither does the nature of sexual intercourse. In our society, however, a woman has either 1 of 2 choices. She marries a man, or she raises a child alone. There is no other sense of community beyond that. It is only through the isolation of women that men have sealed their necessity in child rearing. You need to have a man who has a career to “support” you. It is very very difficult to support a child alone, when you are also the mother of that child especially. The punishment in our society for not marrying a man or not keeping a man, is clear: poverty. Perhaps if men wanted to end abortion they could make themselves less singly necessary to the raising of offspring and seek to end female poverty through abolishment of harmful but beneficial to men only social institutions and adopt different uber beneficial social institutions. Encourage a more communal approach to child rearing, perhaps. Would that ever happen? Or will men continue to patronize child bearing, which naturally belongs to women alone? Will men continue to create an unnatural right to control biological offspring through legislation? It is obvious what they choose but what amazes me is the hypocrisy of men, these men, to artificially create their necessity and then complain when they are forced to pay child support?
3. Anonymous | May 23, 2007 at 11:49 am
I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS
4. Anonymous | June 15, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I believe rape is the only reason for an abortion. We are all adults and we know how babys are made. If you dont take proper precautions and get pregnant,both parents should not have a say.they should just pay the piper and rais the child.
5. Benjamin G. Dela Cruz | December 4, 2007 at 3:30 pm
That’s just silly, what the author is forgetting is that many people think abortion is immoral because they view it as the termination of a life. To suggest that men should have no say in the issue just because it isn’t their baby is about as logical as saying they should have no say on how people abuse or treat their animals.
Perhaps females shouldn’t have opinions on say, male homosexuality; or, male circumcision. After all, what they say really doesn’t matter because she’s a female.
Give me a break.
6. Juju | January 28, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I agree with all of this. I also agree it is ultimately a woman’s responsibility NOT to become pregnant if she is NOT ready to be a mother.
However, this being Life and us being Humans, accidents (broken condoms, BC pills that do not work, etc.) happen. In these cases I think the anti-abortionists should be saddled with raising all these essentially unwanted and unplanned for children, should they succeed in outlawing abortion.
Thank you.
7. Juju | January 28, 2008 at 10:51 pm
ps – to say that abortion is the termination of a life is like saying NOT having sex is preventing the CREATION of a life, and therefore, terminating a life that has the potential to BE. i could go on and one.
in short, abortion-as-termination-of -life is a ridiculous argument. until it’s a baby, it’s not a baby. period.
8. Juju | January 28, 2008 at 10:54 pm
if you outlaw abortion, you’d better be consistent and outlaw condoms, BC pills, IUDs, BC patches, etc. After all, each method kills the odds for a life forming, right?
9. Anonymous | January 30, 2008 at 3:16 am
just saying men don’t have a say in a woman’s abortion unless he is the father of the fetus means that women still have a say in other women’s abortions. it’s not anyones business except the woman who is getting the abortion.
10. tyler | February 24, 2008 at 8:34 pm
hey lady go fuck yourself men were created first and are the dominant power of the world women were made from men when will you dumn ass feminazis get this through you stubborn heads women were put on this earth to obey men you ever heard of rule of thumb men arent to beat there wives with anything bigger than there thumb. stop complaining about how many freedoms women dont have and start enjoying the ones you do cause you could have A LOT less beleive me I am not for hurting women or anything but you just complais so fucking much its so irritating. just shut the fuck up and enjoy life and stop going waaaah i dont have enough freedoms why cant i have more I know i will go suck some guys dick so i can get another freedom. dumb ass.
11. jason | May 17, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I just love how she refers to the baby as a ‘foreign object’ excuse me it is a life created by two people, half of this ‘foreign object’ is part of the mother! What sort of sick self deprivation is the author trying to inflict. My conclusion is she try’s to distance her emotional feelings from killing a life and thus justifying it by referring to the baby as a ‘foreign object’ and such. Conscious cleared? I think a lot of this is bullshit, it takes two to make a baby and two to raise a baby definitely. It should take two to decide on an abortion. That’s right TWO. Men absolutely have a say in their children’s lives. It is not about the fathers or the mothers its about the kids. If a father wants to step up (or a mother) they have the right to do so as parents. Too many times Fathers are working hard to get a ahead, not for themselves but for their family’s. Food, diapers, hospital visits etc are more than important and life nourishing contributions as fathers. And i got news for the author, sometimes that means long hours at the office to provide these things. To stereotype all men into this sadistic bullshit of men have not say on abortion and to ex out their opinions on the issue all together is quite frankly ludicrous, pompous and uneducated on the authors part!
12. patrick | September 10, 2008 at 4:58 pm
this is ridiculous in the fact that you are using two stereoytypes to prove your point.
Mothers have shouldered all the weight?? who is the one dumping babies in dumpsters,GETTING THE ABORTION, or juss not caring for the child in any way shape or form. women.
now that is not to say that men havent stepped up as what there supposed to be.fathers. yet you make it seem that every single man has not stepped up at all. what you are duin is turning the wheel on a vicious cycle that wont stop in the near future, there are plenty of men that work HARD to be a father or even a father figure in a childs life YET it is women like this author who SHOOT DOWN the REAL MEN and down play there work. yes the mother spends more time with the children that is unfortunate HOWEVER to say that men juss dont do anything is crap that i really am tired of. as a man in this society (or even juss the world) i have been shoved into this box of how a real amn is supposed to act or even more detremental on how people view what a man acts like and i feel that this is enough (in the same way that a woman gets looked at and almost immedately juged so does a man)
13. patrick | September 10, 2008 at 5:04 pm
and tyler understand that women were created because men arent made to be alone they were the suitable heplers. understand that god hade to create another being juss for us to be fulfilled for no other creature on earth can take the place of a woman. HOWEVER in that same way no other creature can take the place of a man. both sexes have to understand that we need each other look at how the penis fits o so perfectly into the vagina and you will see that man+woman= good
man+man=not good
woman+woman=not good
only when a man and a woman come together is it good (and that is sthe only way for life to be created) femmisnists are foolish in the sense that they push the notion that a world w/o men is a good thing and that is juss foolish. in the same way a world w/o women if foolish respect one another in full view of gods poweer because it was he who created us.
14. Lowell Conner | November 13, 2008 at 2:28 am
kew2mr71sjtcedhd
15. Anonymous | November 13, 2008 at 6:18 pm
F U because really ridiculous we have to pay not you. so piss off
16. rocky | November 16, 2008 at 12:31 pm
hi, i would consider my self as a mistress, i’ve been blinded in love, i supposed this is the right word for it.. and in returned i got pregnant and after the incident i never heard any calls from this guy… months came along.. until i’ve decided to take my resignation from my previous work then months later after my officially resignation this guy (father of my child) called me and offered a vacant position from their company wherein am working now. at first i told my self that i should control my emotion and feelings from this guy, however, am so weak toward that decision.. i can’t describe the kind of relationship that we had, whenever he need me am confidently go out with him, then suddenly problem arise after 2months i found out that am pregnant again for our second child.. when i let him knew about my condition, he was shocked and told me that this 2nd pregnancy should be terminated. he knew that both of us will put our selves into a risky situation if i will continue this. At first i have nothing to do but afraid to accept what he want to do from our 2nd child. unfortunately, guilty came out on me, and decided to continue my pregnancy whatever consequences will arise in the future. until now, he never ask me anything, though i know that i should let him go from my thinking aside on knowing him as a playboy with different girls around him and he just easily get what he want.
By now, i have nothing retain from my self.. i feel that am so empty and don’t know where to start, the only idea from my mind is to raise my children and be strong for them because they will need me. I’ve know that these part of me was all wrong, i’ve been allowing this man to ruined and destroy my future. but i wont allow it to be happen. I love my children for no other else and i will protect them for harm in any way i could.
17. Mike | December 5, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I agree the decision to have an abortion should be left to the women who will have to deal with the consequences and
society should do everything possible to help the mother with the child if she decides to have the baby maybe this will encourage more women to give birth this should be a priority as for the side of the man in the couple who do want the pregnancy you are responsible to use a condom its not rocket science its a lot easier for us as men no need to take the pill, no decision on abortion,
be honest and drop the attitude our job should be to act more like fathers then teenage boys maybe then females will care more about what we have to say concerning abortion respect the lady’s in your life you will have a happier life
18. Kitty | December 8, 2008 at 8:56 am
I’m sure none of you chauvinists will come back to this page to read your replies. Perhaps you want to see the flames you’ve stoked and you are back. In either case, Patrick, Feminists don’t want a world without men, we want men and women to be partners in life, with equal rights and responsibilities. God created Eve to be a Helper-Partner. “Helper is elsewhere in the Bible most often used in reference to Israel’s God. God as Israel’s helper is the one who makes possible Israel’s existence as a divine covenant partner. The woman is the one who makes possible the man’s existence as a human covenant partner. That is how she is his helper.”
And Tyler, grow up. Women were not made to be submissive to men but to be a balancing force. The rule of thumb you quote is a myth that you probably got from a chain email. If there were fewer guys like you, believe me, we wouldn’t have much to complain about.
That’s my two cents.
19. Katherine | December 8, 2008 at 9:02 am
The thing about this issue is, should either parent be able to leave this situation.
If a man wants out, he can just up and leave, bye-bye, don’t bother me about child support.
If a woman wants out, an abortion is her only option.
I think that if a man and woman had sex together (in the case of a relationship resulting in pregnancy, not a rape) they should be able to talk as mature adults about it, and decide together what will happen. If the man and woman want in, great! If a man and woman want out, at least they agree. If a man wants out but a woman wants to keep it, he can leave. (Though many pregnant women are assaulted and abused by their partners, in my city in Canada it’s upwards of 70% of pregnant women.)
If a man wants to keep it and the woman doesn’t, the woman is the trump card. She has to carry it, deal with the changes, go through an excruciating ordeal and carry the scars of it, so she gets to decide. Until we can find a way to transfer a fetus to a man so he can carry it, that man can NOT have the final say.
20. matthew | March 22, 2009 at 1:34 pm
honestly, I think that a man should have a say in the abortion. Why do men have to pay child support and all that crap if the mother leaves or there not married or anything like that? If men don’t have a choice in that why the hell don’t men have a choice in the abortion. What difference does it make if the baby is not fully grown. It’s still life. It’s like when your asleep your not really conscious so does that mean i can take a gun and kill you? NO of course not so the same should apply to a baby. but ya i do think that men should have a say in the abortion
21. Anonymous | March 31, 2009 at 8:46 pm
What about equality or do you feel that woman are greater than Men. I believe in equality and I love my mother and my girl friend very much. Men should have a say in there childs existence and to say otherwise is to reject equality. Peace.